Friday night I met him. Him. He’s everything, the whole package: tall, strong, kind of has a Channing Tatum thing going on in the looks department (I think – can’t remember his face, exactly). He’s ex-military, very smart, and it was like I’d known him my whole life. Everything just felt so comfortable. And then he picked me up into his arms and flew me to a mountaintop…. Oh, yeah – did I mention that he has a superpower?
And that I met the man of my dreams… in an actual dream? *insert innocent-grin emoji*
But it felt so real. I mean, I really felt his presence….
In the dream I had a superpower too — can you guess what mine was?
I often ask the question, “If you could have one power in the entire super-verse of powers, what would it be? My own answer is always super-speed: I love the idea of being able to get so much more done in a day. But in the dream, my power turned out to be force fields. Reflecting on this later, I realized that many of the guys I’ve dated since my divorce would probably say this was a no-brainer, but it had honestly never occurred to me before. (Isn’t the subconscious great?) In fact, after a recent
date, one guy later told me that when he’d gone to hug me (I was pretty sure he was going to try to kiss me), I’d thrown up my walls so fast and hard, he said, “it would’ve hurt less if you’d slapped me.” Oops. (Sort of.) The other reason the force field superpower makes sense is because my overriding drive is to be safe. And let’s face it: paranoia only gets you so far.😉
Anyway, I remember being securely in his strong arms, nuzzled against his neck while we flew. Even his scent was… safe. Shortly, my guy landed us on a grassy expanse on a mountaintop. It was beautiful – a crisp, clear day, the sky a vibrant blue. There was some church group on a camping trip in the distance. Suddenly, a 2-person plane crested a ridge on the far side of the plateau. Its engine sputtered once and cut. Silence. Then the plane dropped. A second later it crashed on the mountaintop.
Right next to a group of children from the church group.
The hideous, metallic groan vibrated in my ears as I watched in horror (completely forgetting I had force field powers which could’ve protected everyone), while the lone adult overseeing the kids tried to shield them. Then my mom-instincts kicked into overdrive. I tried to run for the kids, but He held me back, just for a moment. He was concerned about protecting me, keeping me away from the dangerous fuselage. But we both knew we had to help. He released me, and I bolted straight for the kids, while he darted to rescue the plane’s two passengers.
Then I woke up.
We’d never kissed (my lips may have brushed his neck while he was flying😉 ), I didn’t know his name, and can’t even remember for sure what he looked like – just an impression. But I had the biggest, stupidest smile on my face for the rest of the morning. *sigh!* (In case you’re wondering, I also knew we’d succeeded in saving everyone – it was a happy dream.)
So this, apparently, is what/who I’m holding out for. Since my dream was perfect, I didn’t have to do anything threatening, like deal with emotions, or worry about trust. I wonder how that would’ve gone down. I also wonder what his flaws are, since I was so terribly interested in him, and in real life I’d be bored-to-tears by someone who was flawless. (Besides, everyone knows that all decent superheros have serious character flaws, which they’re constantly trying to overcome.)
But still, I don’t think I’ll ever have a more perfect first date.🙂
I’ve pretty much shut down communication with the recent round of guys who were texting and calling me. [Calling me! Seriously, what is it with guys and the phone? Since when did the men of this planet turn into teenage girls from the 80s?!? I don’t talk on the phone, except for business-purposes, kid-emergencies, or with my 90 y.o. aunt who’s blind, and therefore can’t text. I hate talking on the phone. I don’t have time for it, anyway, because my free time is taken up trying to respond to 6 guys who are also texting me! Well, not anymore….😉 ] I did this by putting my phone in sleep-mode during my free time, so calls wouldn’t come through, and texts would get an auto-response that I was busy. Eventually, I did respond to each of them, and by continually reaffirming that I wasn’t available, they all finally seem to have subsided. Avoidance strategy? Maybe. But I had been perfectly clear saying to each one that I wasn’t interested in dating him. (Or anyone, at this juncture.)
I had to do it. My real-life — the part with the kids — has had some drama going on in it, and I’ve just needed to deal with that. It took me two whole days of decompression/alone-time after work this week, and then on the third day I finally felt like I could breathe again. Then, yesterday (Friday), I received some bad news: my annulment is still not over.
I’m Catholic, and I’ve been trying to get the Church to acknowledge that my 22-yr marriage to my ex was never valid. It’s been painfully obvious to me since 2011, but I had to wait until after the legal work was done (i.e. after the divorce was finalized, in June 2014) before I was allowed to even begin doing the paperwork for the annulment. A ton of questions and seventeen-thousand words worth of my response later (including edits my spiritual adviser helped me make), and I finally got the thing submitted in January 2015. Since then… crickets. Every few months I’d get a letter from the diocese saying they’d moved my case on to the next round, but they’d never say how many rounds there were. (The Catholic Church is horrible at communication.) At first they’d told me it should be done by early 2016. When that passed, they told me maybe it would be finished by June 2016. Then July. Every priest I’ve talked to about my situation has assured me that my annulment was a no-brainer, that it should go through with no problem. But for some reason my case is taking longer than normal. (“Oh, the Pope made a bunch of changes to the procedures, and even though it will make it faster for other people, it’s slowed down the process for you, while we implemented the new stuff.” And, “Oh, we were waiting on your ex-husband, because he’d indicated that he wanted to respond, but — oh, look — I guess it’s been over a year now, so maybe we can just count him as having decided not to respond.” And, “These things all move at their own pace, each case is unique.”) And now that we’re down to the final stages, it seems to be dragging out even more. When I called the diocese on September 1 to find out what was up, they said it might be another 6 weeks. (“It was summer,” the secretary told me, “and a lot of people went on vacation. Plus,” she reminded me, “these things are all really on God’s time.” She meant well, but sooooo not helpful.) Six weeks came and went. So yesterday on my lunch break, at the 7 week mark, I called again. The secretary told me my case was now with the judge – the very last person it has to be with – and it’s been with him since September 8. I asked how long he usually has a case. She said usually about 2 months (which would put us now at early November), “but it all depends on how many cases he has, and where your case is in his pile.” She went to try to find out how many cases were before mine, but was unsuccessful in finding out. But I know for a fact that other people who’ve put their cases in after mine have been processed more quickly. This is really getting nuts. “So I’m looking at November, maybe?” I asked. “Hopefully,” she said, “and then you’ll learn if they’ve accepted or rejected your annulment request.” What?!? It could still be rejected???
That thought made me want to cry and scream and give up. So last night I came home from work, bundled in a blanket, lit candles, and sat on my patio drinking too many mojitos.
One of the things I’ve forced myself to acknowledge is something I’ve kind of already known: none of the guys I’ve met/dated since my divorce are even close to being able to fit into my real-life. They just want to be around me in my free time, and not have to deal with the parts of me that are a mom-commercial construction employee-grocery shopper-errand runner-spiritual being-house cleaner-sweaty hiker…. Okay, maybe that last one they wouldn’t mind. But the rest of my reality? Not so much. None of them have been about “the whole package.” The other thing I acknowledged is that maybe I’m deliberately not seeking out decent, potential mates, and maybe I’m blocking myself from being truly open to getting to know a guy (on a dating level) because I’m waiting for my annulment to come through. If you knew my whole story, and all the crap I’ve been through, you’d know that it’s a miracle that I’m even still Catholic. But I am, and this is important to me. I need the truth of my situation to be acknowledged by my church. But what if it gets denied? Does it make it any less true? Does it change who I am?
So I’m working on getting this all figured out. On my patio last night, I identified things that make me happy. Dating (at least the guys I’ve dated so far — we’re talking maybe 15-20 guys), has not been one of those things. Writing, dancing, and hiking, however, do make me happy. With that in mind, I got my slightly-hungover butt out of bed this morning and did a moderate-to-strenuous hike. Driving home afterward, and then showering on my jelly-legs, I was proud of myself. It’s put me in a pretty good mood. I’m still convinced there is someone special out there for me, and I’m crossing my fingers and praying that my annulment does come through. But I’ve decided that I’m done looking for him. He’s going to have to naturally cross my path (i.e. not through online dating), and then he’s going to have to figure out how to fit himself into my life. I’ve got to go do my own thing, my own way, and follow my “soul directive.” Let’s see how this next part goes….
The thing that eventually happens when I’m meeting all these guys who, on paper, are perfect for me, and yet to whom I’m not attracted, is that you know I’m going to come across a guy to whom I am attracted. And he, of course, will be completely wrong for me.
I went dancing last night with my friends. It felt so good to cut loose on the dance floor! But the Universe was still teaching me lessons….
My Philosopher-nature has been given carte blanche for a while to try to go about the process of culling from databases, and weeding out ones that don’t match what I want. Right height, right age, college degree, non-smoker, bit of a geek, self-aware…. But when I’m sitting here all dead-inside, trying to intellectualize a relationship, and then Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Wrong walks past…. The Animal sits up and takes notice. And then tries to take over. You can only cage a wild thing for so long. (No, I did not have sex, and I wouldn’t blog about it, if I did. But still–DAY-um!😉 )
Here’s my problem: there are 2 categories of men in my life–ones I’ve dated, and ones I’m friends with. I’ve never had a guy in both categories at the same time. I’m terrified of emotional intimacy–it’s not “safe.” I do let some of my closer friends in, but it happens very gradually, over time. Trust takes a long time to build, and I don’t have to worry about physical intimacy with them. Conversely, I have a tendency to avoid emotional intimacy with guys in physically intimate situations. But that is not a recipe for a good relationship. Chemical attraction only gets you so far. Plus, it’s disrespectful to both parties. (Yeah, I know: emotional detachment in physical relationships — I sound like a guy!😀 ) What I want this time around–what I fantasize about–is having both. Being able to be physically intimate with someone I already trust emotionally. Respect, cherish, desire, love. That’s how it’s supposed to go. In other words, I need to find the right person to help me balance the Philosopher and the Animal. Do you think he’s out here, on this river-current?
When I last posted, I’d decided I was going to take a break from dating for a while. Naturally, since then, it’s been raining men.
Shortly after thinking that I needed this latest break, I’d come across a page in a book I’m rereading (Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser), where she compares life to a river and asks herself each day whether she wants to fight the current… or let go and flow with it. When I read that, I realized online dating had felt like I was forcing something–going out of my way to meet people I would most likely never have come across in the natural course of my life (in addition to all the other downsides of online dating). Like fighting against a current. A day or two after reading this, my pastor gave a homily about how sometimes doors are closed to us because we’re trying to open the wrong ones. We have to listen to our own, inner voice, he said, to find the unique path God has set for each of us, and then the right doors will open. Hmmm, I thought, like trying to go against the current, versus letting go and flowing with it. Then, when I put the key in the ignition to drive home from Mass, the song on the radio was “Hold Back the River,” by James Bay. Coincidence, or…!?
I was done fighting the Universe. I resolved to stop trying to slog my way upstream, and to just let go and ride the flow of the river. To that end, during the following week, I cancelled both my Match and Zoosk memberships and “hid” my (free) PoF profile. I was done dating. D-U-N, stick a fork in me, finito.
There were still a few conversations I’d been in the middle of from the dating sites. I extricated myself from most, but agreed to meet one guy who was willing to drive all the way from Evergreen to Aurora one night. (I have friends in a band, and their gig was at a dive bar in Aurora. That’s why I was all the way down there, myself.) The guy showed up. He was cute, charming, intelligent, slightly snarky, taller than me, fit, gainfully employed, plus he’s a writer… and I felt nothing. No spark. Omigosh, what is wrong with me?!!? On the advice of my gf, who was there, I confessed this to him halfway through the evening. Being the unbelievably, cool, charmer that he is, he still wanted to hang out, as friends, and we actually had a nice time talking. (Plus, my friends’ band is pretty decent.) But I was listening to the Universe, going with my own river-currents.
That same night I also randomly ran into a guy I’d previously dated from OkCupid. We said hi, chatted, he said he’d email me, and went on our ways. I thought that was that. But the next day he sent me a nice email, saying he’d like to see me again. Hmmm…. He’s a good-looking writer (who actually makes a living at it), he’s witty, insightful, fun-as-heck to text with, but at this point I was listening to the Universe, bowing to the water-gods. I responded, explaining that I was done dating, but wouldn’t mind hanging out as friends. Then I went to go lay out at my apartment pool.
While I was down at the pool, catching the last tanning rays of the season, a guy I’d never met before, who was the only other person there, started talking to me. We chatted, it was friendly, and he said we should hang out and have a drink some night. Sure, I said. (Um, this is friendly, right? Like, because we’re neighbors, right?) So I gave pool-guy my number. Later that evening he texted me and I began to get the idea that he was thinking more-than-friends. Oh, dear: this is starting to not feel like “floating down the river.”
That same weekend (this was all 2 weekends ago), another guy, who I’d gone out with once a year and a half ago, started texting me out of the blue. And then two other guys I know (one from chatting with him on Match over the summer, but we’d never met, the other one I know from speed-dating, months ago, but I hadn’t heard from him in quite a while) also texted me. I had six guys messaging/texting me that weekend, after I’d decided I no longer wanted to date anyone.
I told myself the problems were: (a) I was being too nice. I didn’t want to be mean and say “go away” to other human beings, so while I didn’t encourage them, I also didn’t discourage them; I just maintained nice, neutral, friend-zone conversation, (b) I was trying to not-date, but I was also trying to go-with-the-flow, and it was very confusing, with the Universe now deciding to send me all these men–all of whom were nice guys–all at once, and (c) I felt zip, zilch, nada in the romantic interest category towards any of them. Don’t get me wrong: my libido is alive and well. (I know this, for instance, because I’m reading a romantic suspense right now, and I can totally feel the spark in the characters’ storyline.) So, like I said, I told myself these other things were the problem.
Then the Universe took a break. The following week I had an issue with my ex come to a head, in a bad way. It was so bad I was in tears at times at work that Tuesday, and in PTSD-meltdown status for most of the remainder of the week, though, except for Tuesday, I kept the rest of it contained to the privacy of home. (This never happens this badly; it was an extreme situation.) I felt powerless, worthless, and scared. It was a vicious contrast, courtesy of the reality-check department of my life: I went from having a bunch of nice guys pay positive attention to me one week, to being bullied and treated like dirt by the father of my children the next. Message: they’re only being nice to you because they don’t know you. But when they get to know you, when you let them in, they will kick you and throw you away. The situation is resolved, for now; my ex has eased-off, for the time-being.
This week, the Universe has gone back to its previous games. This week alone, I’ve had 3 “non-dates.” (Because I’m not dating, of course.) But I’m committed to going with the flow, so I had to follow through with these guys who were on my path. Rather than go home from work and hide in my hole, I made myself meet them: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. I tried to be open to receiving each of their unique personalities and getting to know them as human beings. That part of it was pleasant, and something I’ve always tried to do, anyway. I’m good at the “friends” thing. But I realized my defense-walls are up, hard-core. I think I’ve figured it out now, though.
Over the course of the week, I “watched” myself meet with all these nice, good-looking guys. But then the only physical contact I allowed was a friend-zone hug goodnight. It wasn’t even a choice; there was a voice in my head saying “No, no, no!” and the walls went up. I think the reason the Universe has been putting this male-deluge on my path is because I need to address my fear. Of men. Of rejection. Of the very deep-seeded, shame-based idea I have that I don’t deserve to be loved, just for who I am, as a person. I think that’s why I’m stopping myself from feeling any sparks. Interesting, that after all the inner-work I’ve done, and as far as I’ve come, that I still regress to this place so easily. See? This is what happens when fire lands in water.😛
I’m taking a break from online dating. Again. I was supposed to be out on a first-meet/date right now, but I cancelled it two days ago (Monday) because I realized I just wasn’t feeling a connection with this guy.
I’d met him on Plenty of Fish. (Oh, yes, did I mention I’m now on 3 dating sites – Match, Zoosk, and PoF? A guy at work told me that’s how he’d met his gf, by being on those 3 sites, all at once. So a week ago today I quickly joined the one I was lacking.) I mean, he was nice… maybe? sort of? …and he met my age, height, and geographic requirements, so I agreed to meet him.
But there was this disconnect. Even though we texted 1-2x a day, it was never anything that made me feel like I really knew him. I told myself this was fine, and that maybe we’d really hit it off when we met in person. After all, how many times have I had great conversations online, only to discover that there’s no spark once we meet, right? It’s the biggest pitfall of online dating: if you “meet” someone great, the only guarantee is that they’re a great online communicator.
Frequently, it seems – for whatever reason – I run up against the issue that I trade cell phone numbers with a guy online… and then he never texts me. Since I’m not the kind of girl who will text first, those relationships die. I’m okay with that. If he’s not interested enough to take the simple, next step of texting me, then I’m not interested in wasting emotional energy on him. And this guy had not only started texting me, but he’d continued.
The problem, though, was exactly that: my emotional energy.
Last Sunday (3 days ago), I spent the afternoon/early evening in the ER with my 17 y.o. daughter, who was having lower-right abdominal pain. We were worried it might be appendicitis. So were the ER docs. Flash-forward two ultrasounds and a CT scan later… it was a strained muscle. And a lot of gas (*whew!*) — last time she orders pizza from that place. (Augh! Kids! :D) During my downtime, while my daughter was having those tests, PoF-guy texted me. I texted back and told him what was going on. He responded, was politely empathetic. It was kind of nice/kind of weird to share my fears with someone I didn’t really know.
But the next night I was dealing with a fight between my girls (the 17 y.o. and the 10 y.o.) and some other crap going on with my ex (who is now infringing on my time with our kids – totally against the divorce agreement, totally steamed about that – not going to blog about it any more, but you “get” my stress-level), and PoF-guy texted me: “In like 48 I get to meet you!” I saw the screen flash, thought it was nice that he was hyped, but couldn’t take time away from mediating my daughters’ very high-strung discussion. (I think we made some good headway.) Two hours later, at around 8:15, he texted me again: “48 hours. Lol.” I was still dealing with my very-chatty 10 y.o., and was still emotionally exhausted from my weekend, but wanted to be polite. I texted back: “Woohoo! :)” Then, a half-hour later, he texts again: “How’s your evening? No ER visits I hope.” Now, this, in-and-of-itself, is an innocuous text, which demonstrates interest in me and my life, from a nice guy.
However, given the other emotional stresses I was under, the text, coupled with the other two (same) texts (“48 hours!”), were a cry for attention from someone who was emotionally needy, and I lost it. I mean, who was this guy, anyway? He’d completely ignored the gluten- and dairy-allergies I’d mentioned in my profile, and he’d picked a restaurant at which I could eat literally NOTHING on the menu! (And I was afraid of seeming too fussy by suggesting another restaurant.) And when he’d asked my work schedule, and I’d said I got off at 5 and could be there by 6, he said, “Okay, [this restaurant] at 6:30.” (?!?) We’d already verified that he both worked and lived very nearby, so I didn’t understand the time-lag, and again, I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to seem too fussy. But inside, I was like, “What am I going to do for 30 minutes? Go home, throw my mail on the counter, and run back out the door?”
I looked up his profile again, decided he was NOT cute, and WHAT was I thinking, and OMg I do NOT have the emotional energy to be able to GIVE to another person — WHY IS HE TEXTING ME THIS MUCH WHEN I’M WITH MY KIDS?!?!!! — and I spent the next 20 minutes taking my makeup off, getting ready for bed, crafting a “cancel” response in my head, deciding that online dating was a ridiculous substitute for meeting real, live people — whom I most likely would never have come across in the normal course of my life — and there’s GOT to be a better way!!!
So I canceled my date for tonight. I was polite about it, acknowledging that I just don’t have the energy to meet new people right now. (He was like, “Yeah, whatever, I’m done with online dating.”) The next morning I felt relieved about having canceled the date. I then “hid” my profiles on Match and PoF. Zoosk wouldn’t let me do this (I hate this site; I do not recommend Zoosk), so I figured out how to at least unlink it from my Facebook profile (that part was soooo annoying), and then I felt better.
I feel sort of bad, because I was kind of in-discussions with a few guys whom I’ve left hanging, but I just don’t have the energy to deal with anyone else right now. I don’t have my kids this weekend, so I’m sure I’ll regain my energy. But then I’ll have them back, and it will go away again. I need a relationship that doesn’t make me lose energy. In fact, I think I should just sit back and wait for God to drop down someone who can figure out how to fit himself into my life. Maybe that kind of person would actually give me energy, instead of draining it. In the meantime, I need some rest….
Here are some actual messages guys have sent me. (Don’t be like them.)
From Zoosk, 2 days ago Setup: One last one for the road. I’d just joined Zoosk last Wednesday, and received the following, message from a guy on Friday:
Him: You have 8 kids? Your unit must be all stretched to hell and gone!!!!
It was a first-contact email. I’d never “approached” him previously, had never “met” or “seen” him before. It was completely out of the blue. He was good-looking, 51 years old, lives reasonably nearby, and had a decent profile. I was dumbfounded. Part of me wanted to respond with a snide remark (“Shocker, that you’ve never been married,” or something like that), but instead I took the high road:
Me: Wow – you could’ve just clicked away. Didn’t have to be mean. I hope you are able to find healing from whoever hurt you. Peace.
(Of course, I’d declined him from being able to interact with me just before I decided to respond to him at all, so I don’t know if he got my response.)
I know that people say mean and nasty things as a result of having been hurt. But this psychology-insight didn’t stop the onslaught of negative thoughts I had about myself that night – things I’d worked very hard to put to rest – especially that exact thing he’d said about me: that my body was destroyed, that I was damaged goods, undesirable, and unlovable, etc.
Fortunately, I’ve learned that the sensation I was experiencing was shame, and that the best way to deal with shame is to call it out. So I posted about that interaction, and my response, along with my negative self-feelings, on Facebook. Well, I may have taken the high road, but my Facebook friends did not feel the need to do so. In words that would make a sailor proud, they assured me that the guy was a jerk, and that I was beautiful, wonderful, etc. (Sometimes social media can be a very good thing!)
So I’m still trying to navigate these waters, pretty badly at times. I quit sometimes, take a break, and then dive back in. I’m admittedly being very picky, sticking to my age- and distance-parameters. But I figure there’s no need to rush. Online dating is good because you can identify people based on specific numbers… but you don’t know if there’s any chemistry until you actually meet them. Speed dating lets you know the chemistry part up-front… but, in my case, I’ve wound up meeting a lot of great guys who live too far away – like south-Denver. (They need to do speed dating for north-Denver. That would help.) But sometimes I wonder if any of it is worth it, because you’re going to some lengths to meet someone who wouldn’t naturally be on the path of your life. Sometimes I think that maybe I should just give up and let life take its natural course and see what happens…?
Here are some actual messages guys have sent me. (Don’t be like them.)
From Match, about 3 weeks ago Setup: He approaches me on the site. This is his initial contact / opening message to me.
Him: Hello – So I think I get your summary. You’re not perfect and looking for someone that’s not perfect. Well I am your guy. How about two imperfect people meet to see if we make a perfect match? We can do coffee, go for a drink, or dinner. Let me know your thoughts. – [Name]
I read this at work and wasn’t going to respond. But it grated at me, and I couldn’t help myself. So that night:
Me: Hello [Name]- nice to meet you. Look, you seem like a nice guy – and you’re cute. But I have to say that that was about the worst email I’ve received on a dating site, ever. It was kind of like, “You think you kinda suck, I think I kinda suck, so maybe we should just hang out in Mediocre Land.” (Probably that wasn’t what you were trying to say, but maybe it was…?)
I’m sorry if the message you received from my profile was that I have a low opinion of myself. On the contrary, I realize that everyone has different expectations with regard to body-type, and I’m a realist about how I look. But I’m also proud of who I am – scars and all – and I want to be with someone who thinks I’m all-that-AND-a-bag-of-truffles. Not someone who thinks they’re settling for mediocre, with me. Because I’m not settling for “WalMart jewelry” this time around, when it comes to my second chance. I’m holding out for Harry Winston.
Probably I’m not the right person for you, since you think I’m only mediocre. I hope you decide you deserve The Best and go after it. (For future reference, when you DO find someone you think is awesome-tastic, you should probably open with telling her how beautiful she is, and how you were impressed with her profile. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to ask her a question about herself, based on something in her profile. Just saying.) Good luck in this dreadful world of online dating. I know it sucks out here, but we’ve got to figure it out, eh?
Best wishes, [Name].
This guy couldn’t let it go, either. But unlike the guy from Part 1 of this series, this guy was apologetic:
Him: [Mouse], Wow I was trying to be funny. Obviously I FAILED!!!! I did not mean to offend. By the way, I think you are attractive, and I totally liked you summary. I liked it because it was like, “look, I am great and I don’t have to prove it to anyone.” I am sorry if I offended you! I agree I suck at emails. By the way you are gluten free … So what restaurant do you like that has the best gluten free food? I disagree; I think we might be a good fit. One final thing: I am not settling the second time around either, and that is why I reached out to you! So my offer still stands [Mouse]. I would like to meet for coffee, drink, lunch, or dinner. – [Name] (I know I still suck at emails!)
Well, that was actually a really good comeback. I had to give this guy credit. I accepted his apology, we chatted, and we actually did go out once. And he was pretty awesome – and cute! (Sadly, we realized early-on that we had opposite kid-schedules, and it wasn’t going to work. I won’t give up my own time with my kids, and he’d gotten his 17 y.o. daughter to babysit while we met. However, on our date, his kids called him twice within an hour, and he had to leave the second time. No emergency, they just weren’t used to their dad being away – his divorce is still rather new. I feel bad for him, because I know how hard this part is. But I decided to accept reality and not allow myself to become emotionally invested in what would be an exercise in futility, at this point. Sometimes the stars just don’t align.😦 )