The Rules: #5 – How vs What, in texting

The Rules #5 - How vs What in texting

There are a number of people who have done/do this to me, when texting. I’m sure they don’t mean any harm by it — in fact, I’m pretty sure they all think they’re demonstrating interest in my life. But it always has the same, opposite impact on me. In addition to the curl-in-a-ball response this type of question elicits (fear – Why do I have to answer to you?), I also get angry (Why do I have to answer to you?), and eventually, if they keep it up, I shut down and don’t want anything else to do with the person. Okay, yes, I have PTSD, and these are all PTSD responses. I do much better with people who tell me about themselves, and then let me open up and share what I want, when I want, in my own, good time. But aside from my personal issues, it also strikes me that it’s just bad manners to ask someone what they’re doing – especially if you don’t have an implicit right to know. Does anyone else think so, too?

3 thoughts on “The Rules: #5 – How vs What, in texting

  1. I don’t mind the what as long as this is a guy where we are at that stage. Some level of connection abs familiarity is needed. I feel that before that I need to think of a way to “jazz up”watching Netflix eating snacks 😁

    • Yeah, I had another friend, when I put this on my personal FB page, who commented that she and her sister text, “What are you doing?” as a shorthand for “Are you busy right now, can you talk?” I think you’re right, Jill, that there has to be an understanding, a level of familiarity, and you have to know that you’re both okay with it. But, hey, nothing wrong with snacking-up Netflix! 🙂

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