Holding Out for Harry

Harry Winston

Met a cute guy a while back, things got interesting over the past weekend. He seemed to be a great guy – “rescued” me from a douchebag on Fri night, then came over on Sunday to help install some new shelves I’d bought. And he was great with my kids. And an excellent kisser. 🙂 We really started to hit it off.

Then, on Tuesday, while I was at work, he sent me what was essentially a booty-call text.

I was intrigued at first (like I said, he’s cute!), but then I played the scenario out in my head. Yeah, I didn’t need that in my life right now — not that fast.

Then I thought about it some more and decided I was actually kinda miffed. Seriously? We hadn’t even been out on one, real date — let alone crossed second base — and he was booty-call texting me?

So I declined, via text, and blew off my unsettled feelings. Whatever. Harmless sexting. But then he wanted to talk on the phone.

So I called him after work. He wanted to know “how I was feeling.” So I told him I was kinda pissed-off: we hadn’t even been on one “real” date (going to the home-improvement store and putting up shelves is NOT equivalent to a Saturday-night, planned-in-advance date, like he’d been on, that Saturday, with another girl he was also seeing — which I was totally okay with, since we weren’t “in a relationship” or anything yet), but here he was sending me a booty-call text? Yeah, I was steamed. Feeling kinda like I was being treated like lesser-grade. (I’d gone from “available to text chick” (different guy — long-gone) to “available to fuck” ?!?!?!!??)

He told me he was “only joking,” but admitted that, yeah, he wouldn’t have been opposed to his text being taken at face-value. I told him I wanted more out of a relationship. I gave him the WalMart/Harry Winston analogy.

He said good luck finding Harry. Said he didn’t understand why I’d “taken such a strong stance on this,” and he was now going to delete me from his contact-info.

Wow. Just wow. I responded (politely — I read my text again today, and yes, it really was honest-but-polite), but he’s had nothing more to say.

I was feeling down all day, because I’d really liked this guy. But I can’t let myself be treated like second-rate, disposable goods. I want to be treated like a rare, precious, valuable commodity. Like the unique individual that I know I am. Like a human being.

Damn, why is this such a struggle — to believe that I’m worth more than the ways that people have treated me, in the past? (Long, ugly story, my past. Not for this post.) But the point is, if I don’t treat myself like I’m worth more, then no one else will treat me like that, either. Right?

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4 thoughts on “Holding Out for Harry

  1. Why are you feeling down? Disappointed, outraged, insulted… okay. Snap out of it. This guy is an idiot and you called him out… and now he is going to delete your contact??? However he phrased it (and if he actually said available to fuck then he’s a moron) showed his lack of class and smarts… that’s not how you get a woman into bed. And definitely not someone you care about. There is a guy out there, maybe not the cutest, who will know how to treat you like you deserve and you will fall in love with, or at least like with, and you will know how it feels to stand on a pedestal.

    • First of all, no, he didn’t use the phrase “available to fuck.” That was my own thought about how I was feeling (about how he’d treated me). He’d send a very flirty text, which at first made me smile. But when I played his scenario out in my head, I was like, “Wait a minute. This will not end in a way I’m comfortable with, at this juncture.” So when I called him out on it, he admitted that, however playful he was being, that yes, that had been his thought. That’s when I really did get upset. I need more meaning, a deeper relationship – and a helluva lot more trust – before I go “there” with someone.

      But I always feel like a freak when other people treat me badly. Like I must have done something to deserve it. (Even though I know that other people’s bad behavior is on them. But this guy had been so NICE over the weekend! I don’t get why he derailed.)

      And, Ted darling, thank you for your confidence, but I don’t know that there IS someone out there for me. Only time will tell. But I sure know that I was right about having to have that friendship-piece in place with whoever-he-is. I need the attraction, the lifestyle compatibility, AND the bff-thing. Then at least I ‘ll have a better chance of being respected.

      Thank you so much for your support, honey! It helps me to feel better about dealing with crap like this. Hugs! 🙂

  2. Ugh, I read your post and I understand your frustration. I feel like we live in a culture that doesn’t value women. Many men think that women are just sexualized objects available for their libidos. I think the availability of porn on the internet has exacerbated the situation. Men think that this is normal behavior from women and in turn, treat women like the highly sexualized beings that are portrayed in porn (and movies and TV shows for example). Hold out for a man who respects you for you!!

    • Thanks, Jane! Yeah, there’s a lot of pressure on women, for sure! I mean, don’t get me wrong – I like hot jungle sex as much as the next girl (and, between you and me, I think women have higher libidos than men), but I don’t want to put the cart before the horse and have the sex be meaningless. (Been there, done that, it’s pretty empty.) It’s lonely holding out for something more, but at least I can look myself in the mirror in the morning and know I’ve got the respect of Me. 😉

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