The Trouble With the Stars

sagittarius-constellation

Several months ago I told my therapist that a guy I’d liked and seen from OkCupid “wouldn’t have worked out anyway,” because he was a Scorpio — which is completely wrong for a Sag. (Duh! I’d married a Scorpio. Didn’t need to make that mistake again!)

I haven’t always believed in astrology. But during the course of my life I’ve come to think that maybe there’s something to be said for the gravitational pulls of the planets and our geographic location(s) during gestation, combined with our unique DNA, that affect us throughout our lives. I don’t think these things predict our future — we get to decide, individually, how we act and process things. (Our own actions are on us. My actions are on me.) But maybe these gravitational pulls of the stars, planets, etc. affect our moods and our capacities to respond to overarching, general stimuli that we are likely to encounter in a given month. Or year. (Based on other people’s reaction to their own gravitational pulls and DNA, etc.) And maybe there are certain people who are naturally, biologically, going to be more compatible with us — people who are going to be “better” for us — based on the alignment of the stars on the day they were born.

So I totally didn’t need to have a(nother) Scorpio in my life.

My therapist suggested that maybe I was using astrology as an excuse to help me put up walls, to keep people out. He cautioned that I could wind up keeping the “right” person out, too.

Since then, I’ve pondered my therapist’s words, and I think he was on to something. I don’t think I’ve kept “the right person” out — I don’t think I’ve met anyone who could remotely be “the right person.” But I do think I’ve been putting up a lot of walls (my Rules, my RFQ, etc.), including using astrology as a way to keep people “out.” Thing is, I’ve been deeply hurt (hence, why I see a therapist), and I think I’ve been grasping at anything that hints at being able to protect me from being hurt like that again. I mean, what if it were neosporinpossible to predict a way to pick someone who not only wouldn’t completely devastate me, but would actually be The One? Wouldn’t anyone want to be able to find a way to predict that? Or at least predict a way to avoid pain?

So I don’t even let myself get to know many people, other than on a friend-level. It’s just too dangerous. I tried, for a while, but I’ve finally, recently, admitted that I haven’t put in active effort on trying-to-date for some time now. Almost a year. I’ve been divorced for two years. I really did try at first, in the early days. What I’ve actually been doing lately is fooling myself by putting in active effort on proving-to-myself-who-and-why-I-shouldn’t-date. At least now I realize what I’d been doing.

But maybe that’s okay for now. Maybe, as my therapist said today, it’s okay to be in a sort of stagnant, holding-pattern, because I’m “conserving energy” right now. It’s like I’m hypermiling, just trying to make it through to the next gas station, until I can figure out who I really am and what I want. Whenever that is…?

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7 thoughts on “The Trouble With the Stars

  1. Funny, I’m a Scorpio. And the man who broke my heart was a Sagittarius. I totally hear you about “conserving energy.” I think I should have waited a bit longer to start dating. I got impatient and was trying to mend my broken heart, but it escalated too quickly. I’m happy with the guy I’m seeing, but there’s so many issues I am dealing with simultaneously, which gets overwhelming at times. You take your time and when you’re ready, you will be better off for it. 💙

    • I hope you’re right, Sam – patience is not one of my virtues. I think it’s common to “start off too quickly,” right after divorce or a major breakup. I get lonely and insecure (what if I never find anyone?). But this conserving part is better for me right now. And it’s okay if you’re a Scorpio – we can totally still be friends! 😉

      • Ha,ha! I’m glad we can still be friends.😊 I felt like you do and honestly, sometimes I still do even though I have someone. I think it’s a natural process we go through after a divorce. Especially after being married for many years. Its hard and it seems like you are doing what you need right now. Plus, you are going to therapy. Therapy is awesome! (Okay, I might be a bit biased) 😉

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