Last time I explained some rules for actual, in-person dating. But now we’re back to the online stuff. Here are some actual messages guys have sent me. (Don’t be like them.)
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From Match, about 2 weeks ago
Setup: A guy makes several nice comments on my photos. So I message him back “Why, thank you!” Then I go check out his profile. He’s not bad
Dunno about you, but I want the one on the right!
looking, but his clothing choices make him look a bit like a thug. Not my type. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I don’t want to lead him on, either. So I pick two other things about him that don’t work for me, which hopefully won’t hurt his feelings, and I message him:
Me: Hey [Name] – You’re cute, but you’re too young(!) for my target demographic. (I’m kinda hard-core about that parameter. Sorry.) Also – when I wear those great 5″ heels from my photo (which is often – I frequently wear 4-5″ heels), they make me 5’11”, which is taller than your own max-target-height of 5’10” in a woman. Best of luck in this crazy online dating world! (Isn’t it just awful? There’s got to be a better way!) Hugs, [Mouse]
(Just kidding. I want this one! 🙂 )
I’d thought that would be it, but he messages me back, arguing the point:
Him: I’m 46 your 47 I’m 6ft
Okay, I’ll explain my logic to him:
Me: Your profile says you’re 45. I’m 47 – almost 48. And your profile also says that your height limits are 5’0″ to 5’10”. Just sayin’. (I pay attention to peoples’ parameters.)
Him: Are you looking to date a number or the person behind the number??’ Remember your in your 40’s still NOT 50’s I’m starting to think you would make dating very tough.. You should really stop thinking and enjoy.. Goodluck please don’t email back
I would “make dating very tough?” Well, yeah, because I’ve already said I’m not interested in going out with him. But now he’s accusing me of wanting to “date a number,” so I have to defend myself and state the obvious.
Me: When I meet people in-person, I’m interested in them, as a person. When I’m scouting for specific parameters that meet my set of criteria (i.e. online), I’m interested in numbers. Obviously I’ve made mistakes before, in my personal choices, or I wouldn’t be trying to do this by relegating it to the math. And, clearly, I recognize that there are actual human beings (in most cases – not all) behind the online profiles. As before: I wish you luck in this morass of online dating. Peace, [Name].
Him: Please don’t email me back, I guess your don’t listen..
Whoa! Did I just dodge a bullet?
I wish all bossypants-chauvinists would show their hands like this, up-front!
I think if a woman said she wasn’t interested I would delete and move on to the next Match. I guess you can’t help it if you are so attractive that the guys can’t seem to let go. I know I would keep trying in your case, so maybe that’s why.
Ted, you are so smooth and handsome, that you would not have to try very hard at all! 😉
Was his English/spelling really that deplorable?….that’s an automatic pass anyhow.
Yeah, I’ve left his words as-is, to emphasize that about him. I always feel like a grammar snob for cringing when people use “to” instead of “too” or “your” instead of “you’re,” but it really does make me respect them a little less, inside…. (But, for purposes of other posts, I correct people’s words before I post — if I like them. 😉 )
I figured you were leaving it to further prove your point. Well played. It’s not being a grammar snob. In this world, that’s often your first foot forward when you’re presenting yourself for anything, there’s just not much excuse for it (besides laziness and not caring, which….did you mention dodging a bullet?) I know some brilliant people who make an awful showing with spelling and words….they are lucky I already knew them beforehand because I usually tend to think less of someone who hasn’t taken the time to give a shit about the impression they make with their words.
Know what you mean – so true!