Strange and Weird Conversations I’ve Had in Online Datingland (Part 3)

Here are some actual messages guys have sent me. (Don’t be like them.)

————

From Match, about 3 weeks ago
Setup: He approaches me on the site. This is his initial contact / opening message to me.

Him: Hello – So I think I get your summary. You’re not perfect and looking for someone that’s not perfect. Well I am your guy. How about two imperfect people meet to see if we make a perfect match? We can do coffee, go for a drink, or dinner. Let me know your thoughts. – [Name]

Image result for jon stewart huh

 

I read this at work and wasn’t going to respond. But it grated at me, and I couldn’t help myself. So that night:

 

 

Me:  Hello [Name]- nice to meet you. Look, you seem like a nice guy – and you’re cute. But I have to say that that was about the worst email I’ve received on a dating site, ever. It was kind of like, “You think you kinda suck, I think I kinda suck, so maybe we should just hang out in Mediocre Land.” (Probably that wasn’t what you were trying to say, but maybe it was…?)

I’m sorry if the message you received from my profile was that I have a low opinion of myself. On the contrary, I realize that everyone has different expectations with regard to body-type, and I’m a realist about how I look. But I’m also proud of who I am – scars and all – and I want to be with someone who thinks I’m all-that-AND-a-bag-of-truffles. Not someone who thinks they’re settling for mediocre, with me. Because I’m not settling for “WalMart jewelry” this time around, when it comes to my second chance. I’m holding out for Harry Winston.

Probably I’m not the right person for you, since you think I’m only mediocre. I hope you decide you deserve The Best and go after it. (For future reference, when you DO find someone you think is awesome-tastic, you should probably open with telling her how beautiful she is, and how you were impressed with her profile. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to ask her a question about herself, based on something in her profile. Just saying.) Good luck in this dreadful world of online dating. I know it sucks out here, but we’ve got to figure it out, eh?

Best wishes, [Name].

Sincerely, [Mouse]

 This guy couldn’t let it go, either. But unlike the guy from Part 1 of this series, this guy was apologetic:

Him: [Mouse], Wow I was trying to be funny. Obviously I FAILED!!!! I did not mean to offend. By the way, I think you are attractive, and I totally liked you summary. I liked it because it was like, “look, I am great and I don’t have to prove it to anyone.” I am sorry if I offended you! I agree I suck at emails. By the way you are gluten free … So what restaurant do you like that has the best gluten free food? I disagree; I think we might be a good fit. One final thing: I am not settling the second time around either, and that is why I reached out to you! So my offer still stands [Mouse]. I would like to meet for coffee, drink, lunch, or dinner. – [Name] (I know I still suck at emails!)

Image result for Awwww

Awwww…!

Well, that was actually a really good comeback. I had to give this guy credit. I accepted his apology, we chatted, and we actually did go out once. And he was pretty awesome – and cute! (Sadly, we realized early-on that we had opposite kid-schedules, and it wasn’t going to work. I won’t give up my own time with my kids, and he’d gotten his 17 y.o. daughter to babysit while we met. However, on our date, his kids called him twice within an hour, and he had to leave the second time. No emergency, they just weren’t used to their dad being away – his divorce is still rather new. I feel bad for him, because I know how hard this part is. But I decided to accept reality and not allow myself to become emotionally invested in what would be an exercise in futility, at this point. Sometimes the stars just don’t align. 😦 )

 

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11 thoughts on “Strange and Weird Conversations I’ve Had in Online Datingland (Part 3)

  1. I’m glad you gave him a chance, because to be honest, I don’t think your perception of what he was trying to say was accurate. I read his message as kind of like he intended. Did your ex treat you that way, and that may be coloring what you read into things?

    • When I read his response I took it negatively. But I second-guessed myself, so I read it to my male colleague. He agreed with me, so I went with my gut. (I have negative self-image issues, yes, because of my ex and some other people. I’ve worked hard to overcome these, but it still plagues me sometimes.) However, another male friend later told me he’d seen bad-email-guy’s POV on the first letter, and read it the way you did, BLT. (Ha! LOVE your initials! 🙂 ) Overall, I’m glad I expressed what I was thinking, rather than ignoring his bad email, and I’m glad he responded. Even though, in the end, it didn’t work out.

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