Strange and Weird Conversations I’ve Had in Online Datingland (Part 4)

Here are some actual messages guys have sent me. (Don’t be like them.)

————

From Zoosk, 2 days ago
Setup: One last one for the road. I’d just joined Zoosk last Wednesday, and received the following, message from a guy on Friday:

Him: You have 8 kids? Your unit must be all stretched to hell and gone!!!!

Image result for WTF?

It was a first-contact email. I’d never “approached” him previously, had never “met” or “seen” him before. It was completely out of the blue. He was good-looking, 51 years old, lives reasonably nearby, and had a decent profile. I was dumbfounded. Part of me wanted to respond with a snide remark (“Shocker, that you’ve never been married,” or something like that), but instead I took the high road:

Me: Wow – you could’ve just clicked away. Didn’t have to be mean. I hope you are able to find healing from whoever hurt you. Peace.

(Of course, I’d declined him from being able to interact with me just before I decided to respond to him at all, so I don’t know if he got my response.)

I know that people say mean and nasty things as a result of having been hurt. But this psychology-insight didn’t stop the onslaught of negative thoughts I had about myself that night – things I’d worked very hard to put to rest – especially that exact thing he’d said about me: that my body was destroyed, that I was damaged goods, undesirable, and unlovable, etc.

Fortunately, I’ve learned that the sensation I was experiencing was shame, and that the best way to deal with shame is to call it out. So I posted about that interaction, and my response, along with my negative self-feelings, on Facebook. Well, I may have taken the high road, but my Facebook friends did not feel the need to do so. In words that would make a sailor proud, they assured me that the guy was a jerk, and that I was beautiful, wonderful, etc. (Sometimes social media can be a very good thing!)

Image result for nyah nyah

Yeah! Take that, Mr. Bully!

————

So I’m still trying to navigate these waters, pretty badly at times. I quit sometimes, take a break, and then dive back in. I’m admittedly being very picky, sticking to my age- and distance-parameters. But I figure there’s no need to rush. Online dating is good because you can identify people based on specific numbers… but you don’t know if there’s any chemistry until you actually meet them. Speed dating lets you know the chemistry part up-front… but, in my case, I’ve wound up meeting a lot of great guys who live too far away – like south-Denver. (They need to do speed dating for north-Denver. That would help.) But sometimes I wonder if any of it is worth it, because you’re going to some lengths to meet someone who wouldn’t naturally be on the path of your life. Sometimes I think that maybe I should just give up and let life take its natural course and see what happens…?

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13 thoughts on “Strange and Weird Conversations I’ve Had in Online Datingland (Part 4)

    • Aww, thanks, Ted! 🙂 Yeah, that one had me down all weekend, from Friday night. By Sunday I was over it, though. It was so weird, too – I thought cyber-bullying was for teenagers or something. Not random “adult” strangers.

      • I don’t know, but I can see how there might be some misogynistic jerks who get their jollies from attacking women on dating sites. That was so hateful. Perhaps there is a place to report people like that on Zoosk. I can’t imagine they want jerks like that on their site. So now you know, and if it happens again, just laugh and block the ass. Don’t give them a reply. WTF is an understatement.

        • There is a “block and report” feature. At first, when I read the comment, I instantly went to a deep place of shame (knee-jerk, default reaction), and didn’t even consider doing that. But it has since occurred to me that I should do that. Maybe you’re right….

  1. What an asshole! And I found Zoosk to be less than impressive with the population of men on it. I tried it for a month and quit. OkCupid had more than enough creepers for free, haha!

  2. Haha! Yes, I could only handle OkCupid for 2 weeks. Met some decent guys, but had to weed-through way too many others to get there. I’d thought the “pay-for” sites would be better, but I’m starting to agree with you about Zoosk/ I’ve met some strange birds online before, but this was a first, as far as being downright rude and bullying. I’ve now reported him; we’ll see if the Zoosk people do anything about it.

    • Yeah, every single person I’ve told this story to has had the same response. Zero people have said, “Maybe he meant…” Nope. Straight-up jerkwad/douchebag/(insert word of choice). Fortunately, despite all the bad profile pics out there, very few of them are actually mean.

      • Douchebag covers it. I’ve also never heard a man call it a ‘unit’…and I’ve been around for a while. Dick. Fuck him. He was just shitty in advance cause he knew all your kids would rightfully take priority over coddling him and his mama’s shit.

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