Strange and Weird Conversations I’ve Had in Online Datingland (Part 4)

Here are some actual messages guys have sent me. (Don’t be like them.)

————

From Zoosk, 2 days ago
Setup: One last one for the road. I’d just joined Zoosk last Wednesday, and received the following, message from a guy on Friday:

Him: You have 8 kids? Your unit must be all stretched to hell and gone!!!!

Image result for WTF?

It was a first-contact email. I’d never “approached” him previously, had never “met” or “seen” him before. It was completely out of the blue. He was good-looking, 51 years old, lives reasonably nearby, and had a decent profile. I was dumbfounded. Part of me wanted to respond with a snide remark (“Shocker, that you’ve never been married,” or something like that), but instead I took the high road:

Me: Wow – you could’ve just clicked away. Didn’t have to be mean. I hope you are able to find healing from whoever hurt you. Peace.

(Of course, I’d declined him from being able to interact with me just before I decided to respond to him at all, so I don’t know if he got my response.)

I know that people say mean and nasty things as a result of having been hurt. But this psychology-insight didn’t stop the onslaught of negative thoughts I had about myself that night – things I’d worked very hard to put to rest – especially that exact thing he’d said about me: that my body was destroyed, that I was damaged goods, undesirable, and unlovable, etc.

Fortunately, I’ve learned that the sensation I was experiencing was shame, and that the best way to deal with shame is to call it out. So I posted about that interaction, and my response, along with my negative self-feelings, on Facebook. Well, I may have taken the high road, but my Facebook friends did not feel the need to do so. In words that would make a sailor proud, they assured me that the guy was a jerk, and that I was beautiful, wonderful, etc. (Sometimes social media can be a very good thing!)

Image result for nyah nyah

Yeah! Take that, Mr. Bully!

————

So I’m still trying to navigate these waters, pretty badly at times. I quit sometimes, take a break, and then dive back in. I’m admittedly being very picky, sticking to my age- and distance-parameters. But I figure there’s no need to rush. Online dating is good because you can identify people based on specific numbers… but you don’t know if there’s any chemistry until you actually meet them. Speed dating lets you know the chemistry part up-front… but, in my case, I’ve wound up meeting a lot of great guys who live too far away – like south-Denver. (They need to do speed dating for north-Denver. That would help.) But sometimes I wonder if any of it is worth it, because you’re going to some lengths to meet someone who wouldn’t naturally be on the path of your life. Sometimes I think that maybe I should just give up and let life take its natural course and see what happens…?

Strange and Weird Conversations I’ve Had in Online Datingland (Part 3)

Here are some actual messages guys have sent me. (Don’t be like them.)

————

From Match, about 3 weeks ago
Setup: He approaches me on the site. This is his initial contact / opening message to me.

Him: Hello – So I think I get your summary. You’re not perfect and looking for someone that’s not perfect. Well I am your guy. How about two imperfect people meet to see if we make a perfect match? We can do coffee, go for a drink, or dinner. Let me know your thoughts. – [Name]

Image result for jon stewart huh

 

I read this at work and wasn’t going to respond. But it grated at me, and I couldn’t help myself. So that night:

 

 

Me:  Hello [Name]- nice to meet you. Look, you seem like a nice guy – and you’re cute. But I have to say that that was about the worst email I’ve received on a dating site, ever. It was kind of like, “You think you kinda suck, I think I kinda suck, so maybe we should just hang out in Mediocre Land.” (Probably that wasn’t what you were trying to say, but maybe it was…?)

I’m sorry if the message you received from my profile was that I have a low opinion of myself. On the contrary, I realize that everyone has different expectations with regard to body-type, and I’m a realist about how I look. But I’m also proud of who I am – scars and all – and I want to be with someone who thinks I’m all-that-AND-a-bag-of-truffles. Not someone who thinks they’re settling for mediocre, with me. Because I’m not settling for “WalMart jewelry” this time around, when it comes to my second chance. I’m holding out for Harry Winston.

Probably I’m not the right person for you, since you think I’m only mediocre. I hope you decide you deserve The Best and go after it. (For future reference, when you DO find someone you think is awesome-tastic, you should probably open with telling her how beautiful she is, and how you were impressed with her profile. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to ask her a question about herself, based on something in her profile. Just saying.) Good luck in this dreadful world of online dating. I know it sucks out here, but we’ve got to figure it out, eh?

Best wishes, [Name].

Sincerely, [Mouse]

 This guy couldn’t let it go, either. But unlike the guy from Part 1 of this series, this guy was apologetic:

Him: [Mouse], Wow I was trying to be funny. Obviously I FAILED!!!! I did not mean to offend. By the way, I think you are attractive, and I totally liked you summary. I liked it because it was like, “look, I am great and I don’t have to prove it to anyone.” I am sorry if I offended you! I agree I suck at emails. By the way you are gluten free … So what restaurant do you like that has the best gluten free food? I disagree; I think we might be a good fit. One final thing: I am not settling the second time around either, and that is why I reached out to you! So my offer still stands [Mouse]. I would like to meet for coffee, drink, lunch, or dinner. – [Name] (I know I still suck at emails!)

Image result for Awwww

Awwww…!

Well, that was actually a really good comeback. I had to give this guy credit. I accepted his apology, we chatted, and we actually did go out once. And he was pretty awesome – and cute! (Sadly, we realized early-on that we had opposite kid-schedules, and it wasn’t going to work. I won’t give up my own time with my kids, and he’d gotten his 17 y.o. daughter to babysit while we met. However, on our date, his kids called him twice within an hour, and he had to leave the second time. No emergency, they just weren’t used to their dad being away – his divorce is still rather new. I feel bad for him, because I know how hard this part is. But I decided to accept reality and not allow myself to become emotionally invested in what would be an exercise in futility, at this point. Sometimes the stars just don’t align. 😦 )

 

Strange and Weird Conversations I’ve Had in Online Datingland (Part 2)

Here are some actual messages guys have sent me. (Don’t be like them.)

————

From OkCupid, last November
Setup: a 20-something started flirting with me: “Hey, sexy,” and stuff like that.

Me: You’re far too young for me, but thank you for putting a smile on my face.

Him: Oh, baby. I could put so much more on your face.

(Okay, that one was so corny, I spat wine because I was laughing so hard. I didn’t respond to him anymore, but dang if I don’t still giggle when I think of this!)

giphy

 

 

Strange and Weird Conversations I’ve Had in Online Datingland (Part 1)

Last time I explained some rules for actual, in-person dating. But now we’re back to the online stuff. Here are some actual messages guys have sent me. (Don’t be like them.)

————

From Match, about 2 weeks ago
Setup: A guy makes several nice comments on my photos. So I message him back “Why, thank you!” Then I go check out his profile. He’s not bad

Chris Hemsworth - scruff vs tailored

Dunno about you, but I want the one on the right!

looking, but his clothing choices make him look a bit like a thug. Not my type. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I don’t want to lead him on, either. So I pick two other things about him that don’t work for me, which hopefully won’t hurt his feelings, and I message him:

Me: Hey [Name] – You’re cute, but you’re too young(!) for my target demographic. (I’m kinda hard-core about that parameter. Sorry.) Also – when I wear those great 5″ heels from my photo (which is often – I frequently wear 4-5″ heels), they make me 5’11”, which is taller than your own max-target-height of 5’10” in a woman. Best of luck in this crazy online dating world! (Isn’t it just awful? There’s got to be a better way!) Hugs, [Mouse]

Image result for chris hemsworth as Thor

(Just kidding. I want this one! 🙂 )

I’d thought that would be it, but he messages me back, arguing the point:

Him: I’m 46 your 47 I’m 6ft

Okay, I’ll explain my logic to him:

Me: Your profile says you’re 45. I’m 47 – almost 48. And your profile also says that your height limits are 5’0″ to 5’10”. Just sayin’. (I pay attention to peoples’ parameters.)

Him: Are you looking to date a number or the person behind the number??’ Remember your in your 40’s still NOT 50’s I’m starting to think you would make dating very tough.. You should really stop thinking and enjoy.. Goodluck please don’t email back

I would “make dating very tough?” Well, yeah, because I’ve already said I’m not interested in going out with him. But now he’s accusing me of wanting to “date a number,” so I have to defend myself and state the obvious.

Me: When I meet people in-person, I’m interested in them, as a person. When I’m scouting for specific parameters that meet my set of criteria (i.e. online), I’m interested in numbers. Obviously I’ve made mistakes before, in my personal choices, or I wouldn’t be trying to do this by relegating it to the math. And, clearly, I recognize that there are actual human beings (in most cases – not all) behind the online profiles. As before: I wish you luck in this morass of online dating. Peace, [Name].

Image result for duhBut apparently he couldn’t let it go:

Him: Please don’t email me back, I guess your don’t listen..

Whoa! Did I just dodge a bullet?

Image result for matrix bullet dodge

I wish all bossypants-chauvinists would show their hands like this, up-front!

 

Rules I Want My Sons to Know About Dating (and about women, in general….)

Apparently all men in my age-range have been cuckolded. And the younger ones have been exposed to too much porn. These are my recent experiences. As a mom of five boys (and three girls), I’ve learned a few “dos” and “don’ts” that I’ve started imparting to my sons. There’s more I wish I could tell them, but… they’re my kids. I can’t share everything. But if I could, here is what I’d lay out, to help amplify their chances of success in their relationships with women:

Rule #1: If it’s apparent that a woman has put effort into her appearance, at least tell her she looks nice – acknowledge her effort. Even if your socks aren’t knocked off. I was excited to go on a recent Second Date with this one guy. We’d had an amazing first date, and I was nervous. I hadn’t been on a Second Date in over a year. I asked a few of the wives at the company picnic that day for “second date wardrobe” advice. After much deliberation we finally decided on my blue dress. (It was the first time this guy was going to see that I had legs — I’d worn jeans on the first date.) I spent 20 minutes curling my hair and another 10 picking out the perfect accessories. But my date didn’t seem to notice any of this. He never said anything. I was left to think that either he didn’t notice that I looked any different… or that maybe he thought I looked worse, and he was being polite by not saying anything. Hmmmm….?

That same night, when the bill came, the waitress put it down right in front of him, on his side of the table. I was ready to leave, but he still sat there, completely ignoring the bill. We were having a really great conversation, but after 5 or 10 minutes (that’s how long it felt like), I was in disbelief. What is he doing? Is he waiting for me to pay? So I did. And I wasn’t entirely happy about it. Rule #2: The man picks up the tab. Always. (With the exception of it being his birthday, and his female friend insists.) In a dating scenario, the man always pays. This is an expensive rule, but it goes toward demonstrating: (a) that the man wants to take care of the woman he’s with, (b) that he has worked hard and has the means to do so, and (c) it is a way of showing deference toward the entire gender – a nod, if you will, toward the “weaker” sex, who, btw, still make less, on average, than men for doing the exact, same job. Yup, even in 2016 America, this is still true. This is what I’m teaching my boys, screw women’s lib. You’re the man, you pay. I have male friends who refuse to let me pay, even though we’re just friends. (“You’re the woman, I’m the man, I’m paying,” they say. I love that one. It ennobles me. Also: “You’re a single mom! With 8 kids! I’ve got this one.” A humbling reminder of my realities, and makes me grateful that they see a more-complete version of who I am.) When I took out my wallet, Second Date Guy made a rather weak attempt to stop me, but, being miffed and proud, I of course said no, and plunked down a few twenties. He let me. We’re just friends now. (*But let’s face it: you can’t wish people would magically be who they’re not. If a guy doesn’t believe or adhere-to this “rule,” that’s okay. The rules of Planet Mouse don’t apply to everyone on Earth. It doesn’t stop me, however, from searching for new Planet Mouse inhabitants. A girl can dream! 😉 )

Rule #3: If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Otherwise your words become meaningless. This one shouldn’t even need explanation. Ladies, raise your hands: how many of us have stayed too long with guys who said they were “gonna do” something, but it was all just empty words…? My last boyfriend — guy I dated in Summer 2015 — was “going to” take me out “somewhere nice.” I helped him organize his apartment, clean out ancient storage units, haul heavy-ass display shelves to show off his hobby stuff up to his apartment, feed his pet spiders…! He kept saying he was so happy with how everything was going, how he really wanted to take me out to a nice restaurant, etc. Weeks turned into months. We worked on his life in-between my life with my kids. And somehow we never went out anywhere — okay, lunch on the fly, on the way to the home improvement store, in shorts and t-shirts, but not “anywhere nice” — unless I was paying. (Yeah.) Finally, I had an epiphany. It took a really awful thing/event for this epiphany to happen, but it happened during a moment of clarity in which I realized that this guy was never going to take me anywhere nice. He’d demonstrated that his words meant nothing on enough of a repetitive basis that his words were moot. And I knew I was done.

Actions mean a lot more than words. Just sayin’.

Rule #4: Always take care of her first, before you take care of yourself! Okay, not only should this one should go without saying, it’s basically in the Guy Handbook. If you don’t believe me, try reading GQ or Cosmo. Or Men’s Health. Or 50 Shades of Grey. Or the Internet! Why are there any men out there who don’t understand this??? There are even books about it! That’s just bad form to leave your partner flapping in the breeze to have to take care of herself, after the fact. Seriously bad manners, this one. (If you have to ask if this is you, then yes, this is you. Shape up, and fix it, dude!) After conversations I’ve had with my female friends, I really, really, really want my sons to understand this basic thing, that, though simple, pays so much respect to a female-partner.

Rule #5: Women are people, not objects. On a recent sans-kid weekend I went to see a play with a girlfriend. Beforehand, we went to a restaurant across the street for drinks, appetizers, and to catch up. Halfway through, though, the waiter stopped by our table… and asked for my phone number, and if I were single. Huh?!? “I’m single — I’m on Match — but you’re too young…!!!” I sputtered like someone for whom English wasn’t my first language.

“How old do you think I am?” the waiter asked.

“Uh, like 27?” I replied.

“Yeah,” he said, “I’m 27.” That tidbit helped me recover a bit. It put him in perspective – with my kids.

“Well, I’m 47,” I said. “I have a daughter only a year younger than you. Thank you, I’m flattered…, but no.”

“Okay, point taken,” he said. However, later, when I asked for the check, he’d tucked his phone number inside. Still giggling about having been hit-on by this cute kid, I texted him:

“Thank you for making me feel pretty tonight! You’re way too young to me, but thank you! Hugs!”

Two hours later, when my friend and I were at the play’s intermission, I saw that he’d responded: “Ha, you were gorgeous tonight. And you realize I’m not trying to wife you up, right? Or be a publicly acknowledged ‘interest?’ Just curious if you’re that charming all the time. Embrace your cougar capabilities, [Mouse.]”

Reading that, everything inside me went cold. While I realized that this kid probably thought he was being complimentary, the actual picture he’d painted was that he was interested in me for free-sex-in-a-back-closet. And, wow, as much as I’m all for hot-sex, this cold, relationshipless concept he was offering is absolutely the farthest thing from what I’m looking for. Kinda made me feel icky/dirty, after reading it.

Problem is, he’s not the first 20-something to approach me with a similar ideal. I’ve had others, who, when I’ve told them flat-out that I’m not a cougar, have responded: “Awwww, darn! Well, do you have any friends who are?” (This is a verbatim quote.) Fortunately for young adults everywhere, I’m the last person who’d ever take them up on it. They’re all so young, they just remind me too much of my own kids. Eew! Maybe they sense this, and that’s why they’re drawn to me: I’m “safe” that way. 😉

My love languages are action and touch. Those mean so much more to me than anything else – even words (yeah, weird for a writer, huh?). Women are different from men. We need to be held, cherished, protected, taken care of. We need to know we matter in a special, unique way to the person we choose to be with. We want someone who wants to spend time with us after we’ve had an intimate night together. Not someone who only wants the fun, date-night stuff, and then takes off out the door when the real world kicks in. Someone who also wants to be there, shopping for a house-project. Or going to the grocery store, so we can make dinner together later. I want someone who can, ultimately, integrate with all the parts of my life. And who cares about me as a whole person.

Really, this is about self-respect, on the deepest level. I hope I’ve taught/am teaching this to all my kids–not just my boys: to respect themselves that much. To try different things, but to hold out for someone who treats them better than they treat themselves. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Online Dating Tips for Guys (from the girl’s perspective)

Gentlemen,

I’ve been trying the online dating thing, and I’ve come to realize that a few of you need some extra help. Here are my best thoughts, based on what I’ve encountered in my past month on Match (and my previous foray onto OkCupid):

serial killers

I’m afraid…!

Your profile photo. First of all, for the love of God, do not post profile photos that make you look like a serial killer. If I’m afraid of you, I’m not going to be thinking, Oh, here’s a guy I want to get to know better. Nope, I’m thinking, Yikes! I hope if I ignore him he’ll go away. But just in case, maybe I ought to start dating that MMA instructor/former Bama defensive tackle, from a few profiles back….

Also, do not post “car selfies” – you know, the ones where it’s like you couldn’t think of a good place to get a private pic (because maybe you have something to hide?), so you snapped a quick one in the driver’s seat before you went inside your house. Those rarely turn out looking flattering for anyone (just fyi).

Your profile photo is your first line of advertising. It’s your main marketing tool. Think of it this way: How would you go into a job interview, knowing that this is the first time your potential boss is going to see you? According to a Forbes article, people make up their minds in the first seven seconds of meeting you. They spend the rest of the time trying to justify their initial reaction. The same is true with online dating. Get your profile photo vetted by another female – preferably one who will give you honest feedback. (If you seriously don’t have a female in your life of whom you can ask this favor, send it to me – mousessoapbox@gmail.com – and I will tell you how bad it is. 😉 )

Her profile parameters (and yours). I’m tired of guys from New Jersey, Utah, Wyoming, and the Bahamas messaging me, despite the fact that I’ve set my dating range to “within 15 miles of Westminster, Colorado.” I’m also tired of chat requests from 35 and 60 year-olds, since I’ve given careful consideration to my target age-range, which is 47-53 year-olds.

I'm not into this...

I’m not into this…

I know it’s tough to match up to all of a person’s exact parameters, but if you are wildly-off from what a woman has indicated, there’s just no point. (And if you still try to date, chances are it’s going to be frustrating for at least one of you.) Similarly, when I see that a guy has checked “slender,” “athletic,” and/or “toned,”

...or this. (Clearly, they had different online profile-parameters from me.)

…or this. (Clearly, they had different online profile-parameters from me.)

as his desired female body type — and nothing else (like “curvy,” “average,” or “a few extra pounds”) — then I will immediately discount him, as I am not what he is looking for. Although I stay reasonably fit in general, I don’t see my body-type as being “slender,” “athletic,” or “toned.” So pay careful attention to both what you say you want, and what she says she wants. This will help you eliminate bad match-ups and instant shoot-downs.

Your conversational skills. The story goes like this: a guy messages me: “Hey – Nice photo.” I assume this means he’s interested. I go check out his profile. He’s cute, he matches up to a lot of my parameters – distance, age, height, pets, the fact that he’s actually single(!), etc. – so I message him back. “Thanks. You’re not so bad, yourself.” Him: “How’s your summer going?” Okay, yes, I can reasonably assume, at this point, that he’s interested.

So I tell him a bit about my summer… and ask about his.

He tells me about his summer. And that’s all he says. Okay…?

So I respond back, asking about one of the things he’s mentioned that caught my attention.

He responds back, telling me more about himself.

I ask another question about him.

He tells me even more… about himself… and that’s all he says.

Come on, throw me a bone - I've got nothing to work with, here!

Come on, throw me a bone – I’ve got nothing to work with, here!

At this point he’s ceased asking about me, and he’s giving me nothing to go on, so I assume he’s not really interested, and I stop responding. If you want to keep a conversation going, you have to be interested in the other person. A good way to find things to talk about is to come up with a list of questions — fun things you’d want to know about a woman — ahead of time. (There are loads of excellent “icebreaker” and dating questions on Google, if you need ideas.)

Guys, these are my best starter-tips to help you out in the world of online dating. There’s more – like when it comes to the actual date – but for those of you who are struggling, this is how you get past the first hurdle. I hope this helps.

Sincerely,
Mouse   xo

Life is Short

It’s been a long time since my last post. (I know, I know!) It’s not like I haven’t been writing – I’ve written a few posts. I just haven’t posted them. There hasn’t been too much to say. I haven’t been doing much. I’ve been acutely aware that “I have no life,” for the past 2 months. I had a lot going on with my kids in May, and then I just kind of got overwhelmed and disappeared into myself. For the entire month of June. It was fear-based, though, so not entirely healthy. But healing came out of it.

I went through a lot of “internal work” (that sounds so Hollywood :P). But, while reading a book my therapist loaned me, I had an epiphany, and I hit a place where I literally felt a load lift off my chest. That same day I bought a new laptop. The next day (July 4) I joined Match.com.

Match wound up being very similar to OkCupid, except you have to pay money. You can’t control the metric, and you get guys from New York messaging you, even though you said you only wanted guys from within 15 miles of your Colorado zip code. (And even though I’d only put up kinda-crappy pics of me. Apparently, if you’re female, it’s a dogpile on Match, same as OkCupid.) Before I’d even finished filling out my profile I had two messages, which took me a half-hour to figure out how to access, by which time I had even more messages. But I figured I was ready: I’d reached a place where I was okay with “just me,” but I wanted to see if I had to do this alone – or if I could maybe find someone to hang with on this life-journey thing.

There will be more on my internet dating insights, but that will take another post. (Free Tip #1 for Guys: Don’t post a profile pic that makes you look like a serial killer. Unless you actually are one. Then, by all means, do. Seriously more to follow. I might be in therapy, but you guys need help!)

Anyway, I chatted with a few nice guys, went out with one who turned out to be super-cool…. Then everything went upside-down.

On Sunday night, I’d just gotten my kids back for the beginning of the week, and within 20 minutes I was in the ER with my 14 y.o. who’d sliced the tip of his pinky off with a mandolin slicer, while helping me prep dinner. I held it all together, of course (and, tbh, the kid was a super-trooper, himself), but it drained me. I had all of these emotions I’d held in check, because I was being strong for him, because that’s what you do, as a parent. Then, when we finally got home, I wanted to chill for a few minutes on the patio with a glass of wine, but I had a constant influx of kids — my 9 y.o., my 11 y.o., my 14 y.o. (the ER patient), and again my 9 y.o. — who needed my attention. They got it, of course.  Because that’s what you do, as a parent. I got to bed at 10:30. Got up at 5. Monday. Went to work.

The next night, after work, it was one of those emotionally-trying days with my kids. In addition to four of them needing my attention, there was also a subtle emotional “battle” at play. I don’t think the instigator (external to my family) realized they had done anything wrong, but my 9 y.o. daughter was being affected, and I went all “mama bear” and over-reacted — to the unfortunate detriment of my 9 y.o. My wholehearted, righteous, failed/futile/misdirected(?) attempts to defend my daughter’s independent emotions sapped all I had left. And on top of it I felt guilty, because I’d hurt my baby in the process. I was a basket case. I knew then that my attempts to date were stupid and irrelevant. What business did I have investing energy into relationships when I couldn’t even keep up with my existing life?

Today I cancelled with the two guys I was supposed to meet with from Match, on the two free days I had open. What was I thinking? It was something I knew I had to do.

But it helped solidify everything when, at around 11 am, the president of my company called everyone together for an impromptu company meeting. Those of us in the office, about 20 of us — a lot of people were out, in the field — were nervous. A small handful of people were already upset, like they knew. What was this about? Then he announced that one of our office-coworkers had passed away unexpectedly last night.

It took a few minutes for it to sink in. It wasn’t someone I’d known super-well, but still. She was a coworker. And now she was… dead. As I’m typing this, it’s getting to me — the tears I couldn’t let fall in the office. I didn’t even know her that well.

I went back to my computer and worked for another hour, until lunch. Then I went out to my car and cancelled my two Match meetups for the week — and permanently. (There might be more on one of those stories. We’ll see.) Between my son’s pinky-trauma, the overload-emotion night, and now my coworker’s death… I’m just overwhelmed. I’m glad I cancelled my date for tonight, because it’s wound up that I needed tonight to cry.

But one thought has occurred to me, and it’s stuck; it has teeth.

I’ve been hurt so much. I’ve been through trauma — bad trauma. I can’t handle any more. And I don’t want to put my trauma on anyone else. I won’t. This is mine to carry. (That might be a whole, other post.) And that’s okay. Mostly. (Again, a whole, other post.) But I didn’t know my coworker who passed away that well. And today I gave serious weight to the question of what would happen if I died. Would my coworkers mourn? Would they go on with work, like I did? Like most of us did? Would I be okay with that?

I decided the answer was no.

I want my coworkers to be upset — so much so that many of them have to take the rest of the day off. I want my friends, with whom I’ve been awful at connecting, to be devastated. I don’t want to fade into the woodwork, like I’ve been doing for the past 2 months. I want to live. I want to live so much that I matter. To a lot of people — I want to create a large “family.” I want to make an impression, I want to leave a mark, and I want it to be on people’s hearts. I want to connect with people in a true and lasting way. I want the people I come in contact with to know — really know — that they genuinely mattered to me. That I valued each and every person who came across my path as a unique individual.

Because I do.

YOU matter to me.

And I want to matter to you. I want you to be affected when I die. Because we will have had a real and true human connection. Because you are super-cool, just because you are you, and I knew that.

And I know it now. You RAWK. 🙂